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 The Cereal Story Corner

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Shibe
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Shibe

Posts : 664
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Join date : 2013-09-01
Age : 26
Location : Probably hiding in a closet or something TBH

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PostSubject: The Cereal Story Corner The Cereal Story Corner I_icon_minitimeSat Mar 15, 2014 6:47 pm

Hi there! this is the thread where I post chapters of my serial stories. I'm planning to update at least once per week.

Stories:
Scattered Shards:


Last edited by Ashen Lamb on Wed Mar 19, 2014 1:51 am; edited 2 times in total
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Captain Nemo
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Captain Nemo

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PostSubject: Re: The Cereal Story Corner The Cereal Story Corner I_icon_minitimeSun Mar 16, 2014 4:03 am

The Tension of the first chapter Razz
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validnr
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validnr

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PostSubject: Re: The Cereal Story Corner The Cereal Story Corner I_icon_minitimeMon Mar 17, 2014 10:58 am

It sounds really nice, but I noticed one thing that doesn't sound right.

Shibe wrote:
After what felt like hours of work, she stretched out her arms to the sky and yawned; a quick glance at the clock confirmed that it was nearing the 23rd hour of the day. She looked back at the screen of her treasured laptop, as she scrolled the sidebar down to check up on the contents of her document. Another yawn, and she pressed the Ctrl 1and P key down at the same time. She proceeded to stumble towards the printer, then took the warm, freshly-inked sheets, then stapled the corners together, and then put them into her folder, which was then went into her bag.2 She then went upstairs to her room, passing the great window which displayed a big canvas of black with a multitude of tiny splotches of white; she then blinked hard, before covering the scene with the heavy teal drapes and continuing the trek to the bedroom.

With number one, the sentence structuring doesn't seem right, maybe some rewording would do good.

Number two: just a typo.

Can't wait for chapter 1, I like it!
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Shibe
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Shibe

Posts : 664
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Join date : 2013-09-01
Age : 26
Location : Probably hiding in a closet or something TBH

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PostSubject: Re: The Cereal Story Corner The Cereal Story Corner I_icon_minitimeWed Mar 19, 2014 1:50 am

Thank you all or your feedback! I've edited it a bit, and added the first chapter.
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PostSubject: Re: The Cereal Story Corner The Cereal Story Corner I_icon_minitime

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The Cereal Story Corner

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